Glen’s guide to Bali

• When you arrive at Denpasar airport (which might be a brand spanking new airport if they finish it in time!) you will need to buy your ‘visa on arrival’ from the booth for $25 (in any currency). There is also a $25 departure tax when you leave the country. Bastards.

• Airport staff will kindly offer to help you with your bags, but you will need to pay them for the favor. We always get a free trolley ourselves. Cheap.

• After collecting your baggage from the airport, you can prepay for a taxi. Head to the booth, tell them where you’re going, pay them the flat fare and the assigned driver will help you and your bags to the taxi.

• You can get SIM cards for your phone anywhere. For example, an ‘XL’, ‘Simpati’ or ‘Telkomsel’ SIM card is about $2, and the vendor can help you buy credit.
  Phone and net packages are available. 3G is pretty decent in Bali nowadays!

• There is a lot of traffic. Motorbikes are the best way through it, but it still sucks.

• ‘Bluebird’ taxis seem to be the most reliable. Always ask them to run the meter, otherwise they will try to get a fare which will most likely be 1000% more than what you would normally pay. If you are going a long way away, it is normal for them to expect more money to get back to a popular area – OR – just pay them to hang around until you want to go home!

• Use mosquito repellent in the evenings – Dengue fever sucks.

• Don’t drive a motorbike without experience. And wear a helmet if you do!

• Local drivers and riders have little regard for lane markings or traffic signals.
  Or other forms of life, for that matter.

• ATMs accept Cirrus and Maestro debit cards, and of course Mastercard and Visa credit cards are widely accepted too.

• Some ATMs have $50 / $100 / $200 / $300 limits, which can be annoying because you get stung international fees charged by your bank each time – so get out as much as you can where possible.

• Money changers without commission fees are everywhere.

• You will likely get ‘Bali Belly’. There is really not much you can do to avoid it. Just drink bottled water, use hand sanitizer, avoid bain marie cocktail sausages that look 3,000 years old, and bring some Imodium with you to stay hydrated. And never trust a fart.

• Vegan and vegetarian food is super easy to find.

• Try to resist patting the cute dogs and cats which roam the streets (see ‘scabies‘)

• Bali footpaths are littered with GIANT HOLES waiting to swallow you.
  For the love of god, watch where you’re walking.

• If you decide to kick back and accept a local lady’s cheap massage on the beach, be prepared to be swarmed. Her entire posse will catch wind and try to rape pedicure you.

• ‘Bali time’ – add 20 minutes to every 10 when waiting for anything.
  The traffic’s crap and it’s hot.  Give them a break.

• You’re likely to be interrupted by a friendly waitress while eating to ask about your holiday, family and love life.

• IT WILL RAIN. Like, BUCKET down rain. Pretty much every day.
  But only for a short time, and it helps to cool off!

• Wear sunscreen! Otherwise, this.

• Bargaining 101:
  Halve the asking price, or just walk away if they want more than you want to pay.

• “Hello yes? Taxi? Transport? Massage? Where are you going? G’day mate! Special sunset price for you, yes? Snorkelling? Ok you tell me how much? Yes? Hello?” etc…
  Try not to let the nagging get to you.  We are their main source of income!

• Don’t even show an interest in drugs. As tempting as the low low prices might be, the dudes who sell it may also rat you out to the delightful Indonesian police. Nice, huh? Either that or it’s just fake. Not worth the risk. Death penalty. ‘Nuff sed.

• Don’t believe everything you hear about Bali on Today Tonight.
  In fact, just don’t watch it ever.

• Alcohol – 

  Unfortunately booze is one of the only luxuries that isn’t dirt cheap on the island.

  ‘Cheap and nasty’ local booze actually isn’t that cheap, and drinkable spirits are sold at disproportionate prices because there simply isn’t much of it to be found.
  This is why we’ve asked each of our guests to bring over a bottle of alcohol for the celebration.
  The villa staff will then mix our drinks and cocktails, giving us more options than Bintang and local wine!
  

• IMPORTANT: There is no duty free shop at Denpasar airport, so be sure to purchase any grog beforehand. And in case you weren’t aware, you can just pack a couple of  bottles of alcohol into your luggage.

• VITAL TRANSLATIONS:
  “Satu lagi Bintang, termakasih” – One more Bintang, please.
  Other less important translations can be found here.

• 100,000IDR = roughly $10 – so just add 4 zeros.
  If you’re like me, you will accidentally pay $50 instead of $5 for a sarong at some point.
  Be careful, and watch those zeros!

• Most importantly, relax and have fun!

Have any other tips and tricks? Leave them in the comments below!

G